Amuse And You Get.

Look at it. Isn't it wonderful? Lovely shape, lovely pattern, lovely colour. It is a lovely hat. Well I only went and bloody bought one. A Jaxon Fedora from Surfdome to be precise. Looked like a trilby to me but then again I really don't know how to tell the difference between a fedora and a trilby.

I ordered the hat in medium as I was confident that my head is an average size as it seems to compliment the rest of my body pretty well. I should have measured but that means unravelling tape then winding it all back up again which as most tailors know is the most stressful part of tailoring. Probably. A few days later and a lovely hat arrives at my doorstep. Then as I'm not in, it gets taken to the local Royal Mail sorting office.

When I finally get hold of it I scrabble at the box like an excited kid on what he knows will be his last Christmas. I see the hat. It's lovely. Bleddy lovely in fact. I hold the lovely hat in my quivering hands and lower it onto my head. It's quite a fitting ceremony as I genuinely feel like a king at this point. King of the world. King of hats.

Ah cock. It's too small. My dreams are shattered and it dawns on me that I do not in fact have a medium sized head. I'm 5'10'' and weight 11 stone. My head should be medium. It's not. I'm upset and go for a lay down to think about what's just happened.

After pulling myself together, an email is in order to sort this mess out.

Dear Surfdome.

I purchased a lovely Jaxon Stingy Brim Fedora hat in Tan colour on the 1st of April (it was no April Fool, I assure you) and it arrived today. Beautiful item and perfect for my lazy summer days on the beach, shading my eyes from the overcast clouds. I ordered it in medium after measuring my head and deciding that this would likely be the best fit. Tried it on this afternoon and it is slightly too small.

It appears that I should have purchased the hat in the L for Large size as I had grossly underestimated the size of my head. The rest of my body can be pretty much generalised as Medium (apart from one certain area which I think would struggle to be classified as XS, but alas, I am as Vishnu made me) so I presumed that a Medium would fit my cranial bonce (pretty sure that's the Latin). Realising that I have a head that Jaxon hats would categorise as Large has genuinely hit me hard.


I've spent the whole evening avoiding the mirror in case I can see just how badly proportioned I am. I can only assume that if I look now, I will see a pumpkin atop a stick of celery. That or the bloated head syndrome man from Theme Hospital, if you've ever played that. If you haven't played it, check the link at the bottom of the page. I think I must look like the guy third from right*.


Would it be possibly to return this hat and exchange it for a......*shudder*.....Large? My customer number is ********** and order number is ***********.


I probably wont leave the house until the new hat arrives due to the fear of children goading me and pensioners recoiling in horror so I await any reply.


Providing I don't overbalance when I stand up, I will get the hat boxed and ready to go for when I get my RA number.


Thank you for your assistance and I only ask one thing of you (apart from the hat business). Think of me as a human. Not as a freak with a Large head.


Dean Pascoe. Aka, The Cornish Elephant Man.


PS - Do Surfdome sell an elaborate pulley system that can support the weight of my head? If they do, whack one in the post and charge it to my card.

*Unfortunately the Theme Hospital link doesn't work anymore, but they got the picture.

Imagine my delight a couple of days later when I received this back.

Hi there Cornish Elephant man aka Dean Pascoe,


We trust this email finds your head in good health and the weekend activities have not caused you too much drama and the sun did not burn your eyes without the use of the new Jaxon Fedora. Fear not you will no longer need to avoid the mirror as we most certainly can help you with a more roomy sized hat to accommodate you.


After checking out the doctor man on the link and giggling away the morning read (I tell you great to have an amusing and happy email to start the Monday off!) I have prepared for you an exchange number and instructions as follows.


Also to add I’m afraid we cannot accommodate a pulley system for you however you may be pleasantly surprised with your exchange parcel.

What a brilliant email to recieve back. It really is good to see that a company can have a sense of humour rather than just giving straight up return delivery instructions. What was even more brilliant though...''Pleasantly surprised''?! That got me pleasantly excited. I'd be pleasantly surprised if a stripper burst out of the delivery. I'd be pleasantly surprised if there were keys to a Zonda. Knowing that I had to wait for my pleasant surprise was killing me.

Sent off the small (medium) hat and quickly received another delivery. I saw the hat I had ordered and had reservations about trying it on. I was too scared that a 'large' size wouldn't fit. Imagine the humiliation? To my relief and delight though, it did. It fitted to perfection, almost like it was made for me. I was also in for a pleasant surprise though. Also in the box was....another hat! A lovely hounds tooth trilby along with a handwritten note.

We loved your email so much! Please find enclosed a hat for your cranial bonce to cater for expansion days (as it's a size XL) allowing the breeze to filter around the head & at the same time providing shade. Regards, Surfdome Customer Services Team.

After this I would highly recommend Surfdome to all. Great products and also a great laugh. Thumb up.